Tuesday, 1 January 2013

Some Limericks


Some Limericks

I've been having a stab at writing Limericks elsewhere in my virtual universe and I thought I'd share them here.

They're not as absurd nor transgressive as really good limericks but clearly I've got a compulsion to share (cf this whole blog). I find that once I start thinking of limericks it can be hard to stop. Hopefully this post will put an end to that habit before I start talking in limericks.

Comments in limerick form particularly welcomed!

There was a young fellow from Ireland
Who found life hard to understand
His neurons misfired
Seemed his brain wasn't wired
To come up with another rhyme


There's a long winded fellow lives a hundred miles or so from Limerick
Who feels that he must therefore be geographically well placed to master the trick
Of limerick writing to impress, and help himself become popular with, people by making them laugh
But each of his sentences grows and grows (and then grows some more (even including sub-clauses)) until they are as long as a paragraph
And people stop reading before....


A contrary old versifier
Wanted his poems to be drier
So he cut out each word
From his concise Oxford
And kickstarted his dehumidifier


A man from the deep mesozoic
Was known to be very stoic
'Til he tried to have sex
With Tyrannosaur Rex
Which was stupid although quite heroic


A timid young Parisienne
Was walking down the street when
Addressed by a girl
He got into a whirl
Fell into and drowned in the Seine
 (My own particular French pronunciation is required to make this work. Take your lead from 'when'. Apologies to the French language)


  1. I've got nothing to say on your rhyme
    Except surely your well past your prime
    Were you pissed at midnight
    Or simply don't give a shite?
    Think you might be best suited to mime

    Just look how you've shaped all those words
    They're jumbled like goats in a herd
    They sure smell like mutton
    Press now 'delete' button
    Revise not! Can't polish a turd

    Sorry to come on so rude
    Sore head makes me grumpy and crude
    Happy New Year
    Filled to brim with good cheer
    And may misery never intrude

    Like it did for that man from Nantucket...
    Maybe we should leave it there.
    Best I can do on this delicate morn is to tick all boxes with the crude and the classic:

    A policeman from up Clapham Junction
    Had a penis that just wouldn't function
    For this rest of his life
    He misled his poor wife
    With some snot on the end of his truncheon...

    Is there a worse one than that?

    1. Put me right off my luncheon! Is that Difford & Tilbrook?

  2. I wish it were so...
    Now there's a thought: a rock opera comprised only of limericks and rhyming slang.
    I'll be smug as a banker...